Here are my trip’s highlights:

Walking off the plane and, within an hour, stepping onto the stage for the Broadway musical, The Color Purple, with Allee Willis… who frickin’ co-authored it! If you aren’t familiar with her name, perhaps you know “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire or the Friends theme… because she wrote those too.

Then, on the following night, seeing the show with her and going backstage to meet the cast.

AS YOU DO.

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Was crossing through (the loud and very-crowded spectacle that is) Times Square and a Hasidic Jew holding a giant box of Matzo approached me. He asked quite sincerely, “Are you Jewish?”

Me. Possibly the goyest goy of all the goys. Am I Jewish?! Only in spirit, Matzo vendor dude, only in spirit. #TalesoftheShiksa‬

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I had a $90 promotional credit for “incidentals” to use during my hotel stay. My plan was to use it to splurge on a nice dinner at the onsite restaurant, but alas, it was closed for a two-day “gas test.” So, that meant I had ninety bucks to blow on the overpriced selections in my room’s minibar. (Before you ask, there were no “adult movies” to purchase on the TV.)

Well, I’m not much of a drinker, so the personal-sized bottle of Champagne for $55 was not a consideration. Neither were any of the $10 nip bottles of liquor.

What does $90 of New York City hotel minibar get you?

This: 1 bag of peanut M&M’s ($5), 1 Large Fred water ($9), 1 Small Fred water ($6), 1 can of Club Soda ($5), 2 cans of San Pellegrino lemonades ($12), giant Snickers bar ($5), Kit Kat ($5), Reese’s ($5), Kind bar ($5), tiny can of Pringles ($6), peanut M&M’s ($8), bag of salted cashews ($8), and a bag of dark chocolate-covered fruit ($8). Not included: sales tax and self respect.

I consumed the beverages and the peanut M&M’s and packed the rest, because I couldn’t leave money on the table. I mean, how could I leave $90 worth of junk food in the little tiny store in my room?

It got me thinking though, if *I* had a hotel, I’d really have little tiny stores in all the rooms. You could buy fun Blazenhoff-branded socks, lipstick, toothpaste, condoms, temporary tattoos, yo-yos, glowsticks, phone-charging cords, Fluff (duh), and anything else you’d need at 3 AM.

Mark my words, dear readers, the future Blazenhotel is gonna be badass.

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What else? Disco fries! Jamaican dude wearing a pot leaf costume trying to get me to get him California weed!?! Visiting with sand artist Joe Mangrum in Washington Square! Attending an “experimental variety show” at an amazing fringe venue called House of Yes with Brooklyn culture maven (and RED reader) Oriana Leckert! Enjoying Thai food, cheesecake (from the 100% Amish-less Amish Market) and conversation with my more-miles-than-you jetsetting friend, Carolyn Anhalt, and her daughter, Bella!