|Live. Laugh. Love…
My brother and his family moved this summer. My BFF Jenny and her man, Matt, also moved this summer. I soon found myself dipping my toes in the someday-I’ll-move-and-buy-a-house pool. Needless to say, I looked at a lot of Zillow listings this summer. One noteworthy trend? All the Chinese-made signs on the walls of listed homes, probably hung by well-meaning stagers. You know the ones. They’re faux distressed and offer manufactured eye-rollers like “Blessed, Stressed, and Football Obsessed” and “Time to wine down.” Or “Home is Where the Wine is” (there are many wine-themed ones). I saw so many of these signs that I thought to start screengrabbing them to start an Instagram feed to poke fun at the trend (no doubt someone already has). Instead, I shared my findings with the BFF, then she shared hers, and we both had a good chuckle.
So, when I was coming up with my “Eat Fuck Kill” alternatives for 2020 recently, I was pleased at how well our personal favorite fit into the meme’s format:
I printed this image on some tiny blank postage stamps (from Portland Stamp Company, yo!) and couldn’t wait to mail them off to Jenny and Matt. (It took a tremendous of amount of mental fortitude to not spill the beans in a text.) Well, the stamps finally arrived, just as they were putting the finishing touches on the house they’re selling. Let’s just say, some lucky homebuyer in Florida is going to someday find some sweet, sweet stamps hidden in their cabinets.
— Rusty Blazenhoff
P.S. I hope I haven’t offended anyone. Apologies to any of you who are displaying signs like these right now in your home. I’m more cynical than you and I can’t help it. Please don’t email me.